I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
