I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
