Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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