it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
