you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
