i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
