Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
