Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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