life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
