Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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