That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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