it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize