i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
