Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
