allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
