i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
