Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
