I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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