i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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