Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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