i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
