This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
