I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
