he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
