if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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