please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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