Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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