Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
