Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
