So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
