So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
