I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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