I just made out with a guy for $7.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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