he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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