and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
