you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I stole a fireplace last night.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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