So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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