I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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