Define "chronic" masturbator.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
