so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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