butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
the day after is always just damage control
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
