you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
