Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
