ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
