Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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