Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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