I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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