I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize