Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
