So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
