a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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