I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
