we're chasing vodka with high fives
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
