fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
