Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
