If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
