so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
