Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
