I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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