Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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