I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
