you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
