he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
