this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
