I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
