Don't you send me to vm
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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