i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
