dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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