Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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