I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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