I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
