we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
