i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
