ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
