I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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