their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
