Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
