I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
