Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
