Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
