Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
