If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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