then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
