I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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