And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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