I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
