I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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