He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
