Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
