we're blogging at a bar
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
