took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
God, I missed his penis.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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