you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
