the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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