dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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