clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
