bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
