She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
