i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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