yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
